1. Assuming law and order is in chaos, the first place to hit would be Montgomery Mall. Here you can get it all: clothes of all kinds, any brand; video games; skateboards; coffee (You’re going to need to be caffeinated for all that looting.); sneakers; cameras; sporting goods; jewelry; toys; and all the Chick-Fil-A you can eat.
2. A good spot to hit would be Best Buy at Airport Square, assuming electricity is still working. Now you can finally get that flat-screen plasma HDTV you’ve been saving for, not to mention Blu-Ray players and Blu-Ray movies, Xboxes, Wiis, PS3s, refrigerators, computers, stereos, vacuums, coffeemakers, washers and dryers, and that “Lost” box set.
3. My advice to you is to start drinking. Heavily. Head over to Hatfield Beverage at 1616 N. Broad St., Lansdale, or Towamencin Beverage at 1555 Sumneytown Pike in Towamencin, for all the beer you can get, import and domestic, common and rare. If all the cold brews and kegs are gone, don’t worry: You can get the warm beer cold with that hot new fridge you got from Best Buy.
4. Costco at 740 Upper State Road. Hello? What better time to stock up on a lot of stuff than right now. And they probably won’t check your card or highlight your receipt. Do you need 20 boxes of Frosted Flakes? You didn’t before, but it’s the rapture. Do you want 60 packs of AA batteries? You never know when you’ll need them. Twenty cans of Contadina sauce? Got 'em. Someone use the last of the paper towels? Bang. Fifty 12 packs, no problem. Double roll, too.
Got too much stuff? No problem. Turn around and sell it to people. Memberships only.
5. If you love tools like I do, then you’re probably meeting me at Lowe’s, located at 640 Cowpath Road in Montgomery Township and 160 Forty Foot Road in Hatfield. I’ve always wanted a Dremel and a new cordless drill. New patio set? I don’t want to look out at the barren wasteland, but I do want to be comfortable doing it. Probably no grass left, but how awesome would it be just to ride that tractor down whatever’s left of a street? Plus, if they run out of appliances with all the looting at Best Buy, here’s your backup plan.
Here’s an idea: Get about 40 gas cans, go to the nearest Super Wawa, and fill 'er up and stock 'em up. $4 a gallon? How about free?