It's Summer Time, control Anger, before it controls you !

It's summertime and vacation time. The family is spending more time together. You have to be more careful to control your temper so as to not take out your temper on your family and your children.  Anger has been defined as a learned behavior which passes from one generation to another.  As parent's our job is to not pass our anger on to our children but to help them learn that there are alternatives to dealing with problems in less aggressive ways.  "We are their Role Models".  But we forget this when we get frustrated with our wives/husbands and children and respond from anger.  We must remember that we too learned it from some place.  Therefore we too can unlearn to be angry.

Anger Facts:

Anger Fact #1- Anger is a normal emotional response to a goal being blocked.  It can be  caused by by both external and internal events.  You could be angry at a person (co-worker, supervisor) or event (traffic jam, a cancelled flight) or your anger could be caused by worrying about your personal problems.  Memories of traumatic events can also trigger anger.

Anger Fact #2- Most of the time anger is not a choice, it’s simply a response to a “trigger”.

Anger Fact #3- Once anger begins it changes our body, thoughts, and even initiates impulses into action.  Anger can potentially “hijack” the rational thinking part of our brain.  This is often the case when a person states, “I just lost it!”

Anger Fact #4- Anger is a core emotion in a “family” of negative emotions.  If irritation is the baby, the grandfather is rage, for example.

Anger Fact #5- Anger expression becomes a problem when the cost (being fired, arrested, loss of relationship, health problems) outweighs the benefit (temporary release, getting someone to listen to you).

Anger Fact #6- Sometimes anger is triggered by another “hidden” emotion such as fear, shame, embarrassment, or sadness.

Anger Fact #7- The feeling of anger is not the same as expressing anger.  The expression of anger is a CHOICE.  

Anger Fact #8- We get angry because our brain is trying to protect us from perceived harm.  Anger is “hard-wired” in our brains to ensure our survival.  Anger is meant to be a good thing even though it is a negative emotion.  Society today is not tolerant of aggressive behavior. 

Anger Fact #9- Poor anger control is bad for your health.  If anger is pervasive it can increase a person’s heart rate and blood pressure creating a toxic stress response. 

Anger Fact # 10- There are as many clients seeking mental health services for anger as there are clients seeking services for depression and anxiety. 

Having a good summer with your family starts with the recognition that your anger no longer serves you, and that finding alternative ways to dealing with problems in a positive way promotes YOU as a good role model.

I have been providing Anger Management Groups for 5 years.  The program I work with helps all participants to understand that they can learn to change and that their anger can go away.  I run a 12 week program which is accepted by the Courts, Adult Probation, Employers, and others.  A certificate of completion is given at the end of the program.

So if your ready to learn more about your anger and consider ways to deal with it please call me at (215) 661-9515 or go to my website at ibilofsky.wix.com/anger-management.

Ira Bilofsky, LCSW