Five Best Places to Stock Up for Zombie Takeover

1 – . I’m a big believer in supporting local businesses, so Joe and Chris Flyzik at Wilson’s will be able to help stock you up on things like propane tanks, nails, (propane tank + nails + gun = BOOM) shovels, lawn mower blades, cement bags, chainsaws – anything sharp or heavy for a decent headshot.

2 – If you’re nowhere near Wilson’s Hardware on Main Street in Lansdale, then try Lowe's in Hatfield or Montgomeryville, or in Montgomeryville. More chainsaws, machetes, pruning saws, circular saws, (and let’s not overlook circular saw blades – they make great lethal Frisbees!) nail guns, knives, hedge trimmers. Why not? Grab a new hammer and power drill while you’re at it. Look around for items for some makeshift armor. This is the time to improvise. Duct tape an axe and a sledgehammer together and let them feel the fury of a lunatic Paul Bunyan/John Henry combo. 

3 – There are Phillies fans and there are Mets fans. There are Corvette lovers and there are Mustang lovers. There are those who like swinging swords and those who like to aim and fire. Best chance and a good stock of weapons: or . Who knows? They may have a samurai sword in the evidence room that they confiscated from some crazed loony in town. And don’t forget ammo. Lots of ammo.

If the police stations don’t work, you might have better luck at Dell's Firearm Specialists Inc., 641 Bethlehem Pike, Montgomeryville. Self explanatory.

4 – I suggest you get some wheels. Something high, off the ground. With power behind it. Something that’s really going to knock ‘em down and run ‘em over. Maybe like a or Toyota Tundra I-Force. Just keep an eye for any stowaways in the truck bed.

5 – Dick’s Sporting Goods. Now it’s time to get creative with your weapons. (And a little inspirado from “Dead Rising 2” doesn’t hurt). Grab an oar and attach a chainsaw to each end. Boom. Time to go all Darth Maul on those zombies.

If you’re lucky enough to find some boxing gloves, stick some Bowie knives in them. Talk about stick and move.

A nice 5 Wood should connect nicely with the chin. Wood baseball bat plus nails equals awesome. Maybe a good pair of running shoes. Forget it. You know they never have your size.

Be sure you know where your local cemeteries lie in Lansdale and Montgomeryville.
You can find a map on Lansdale cemeteries here and Montgomeryville cemeteries here.