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Friend Should Save Face in Dealing With 'Two-Faced' Friend

A Montgomeryville woman asks how to deal with a girl who wants to be a friend some of the time.

Dear Lizzie,

I know this person who is two-faced, to say the least, and they are part of my circle of friends.

This person and I don’t usually get along. We have known each other for years, but there’s always been something between us that keeps us from being closer. I don’t know what the problem is.

I could not be friends with her anymore, and it wouldn’t bother me.

What’s weird is once she gets some drinks in her, she’s a different person. She talks to me, she connects with me, she pays attention to me.

The next day: totally different person. Ignorant, self-centered, rude.

She is friends with a lot of my other friends. I don’t see her giving anyone else the cold shoulder. I’ve talked with my friends about it. They see how she is, but they blow it off as “her being her.”

Do I try to make this friendship work? Do I call her out on it? I feel that if I do, she won’t care what I have to say.

I think it will be worse to not be friends with her, and have it awkward when she’s around with everyone else.

Thanks.

- Gina L., Montgomeryville

 

Dear Gina,

I think that you shouldn’t waste your time or energy doing anything at all. Be nice to her when you are with her, and if she’s nice back, that’s great.

Don’t invest your actual time or energy into her. If things are cool when you are hanging with the group, say “Hi” to her and be cordial. If she wants to be rude to you, don’t give this girl the time of day.

You say you know that if you talk to her about the issue, nothing will change. So why even talk? Just be nice to her out in public as a way of making others in the group more comfortable when hanging out. Not every single person in a group of friends has to get along.

You show people that you are the bigger person by not getting upset or worked up over it. Don’t let her bring you down. A simple greeting or welcoming gesture followed by not acknowledging her is all you can do. It’s not mean, but you are keeping a distance from having her affect you. There’s nothing wrong with saying just "Hi" and "Bye" to her.

Most likely, if you bring up your emotions and feelings to her, she will bulldoze over them. It has to be about give and take, and that’s what you must do on a day-to-day basis.

Good luck with everything.

Got a pressing question that needs an answer? Write to Dear Lizzie at dearlizziepatch@gmail.com.

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