Girl, 14, Confused About Sexuality

A 14-year-old questions whether or not she is gay or bisexual and how to tell people about it.

Dear Lizzie,

I am a 14 year-old female. I think that I might be a lesbian. I don't know if I'm a lesbian or I'm bisexual. I don't even know if this is just a phase that I'm going through.

I have liked boys, but I have also liked more girls then boys. I've told a few of my friends that I'm bisexual. They seemed OK about it.

What I'm worried about is going into high school and me being the only one who's a lesbian or gay. I don't want to stay in the closet forever.

I want to be able to tell my family that I'm gay or that I have a girlfriend.  I don't know what to do please help me!!
 - Worried, Connecticut


Dear Worried,

In the beginning you said you weren’t sure, and then at the end of your question, you said you are gay. You seem a bit confused about where you stand sexually, and I think that’s where the problem lies.

The fact is you are 14 years old. You are still so young. My advice would be to wait it out a bit.

You have plenty of time before high school begins. At your young age, this shouldn’t be your main concern.

I know it may be in the back of your head, and you are starting to explore and learn about your body. It’s OK to be young and be confused.

You shouldn’t be telling anybody at school. Nobody needs to know about your private life right now.

If friends are pressuring you into telling them things, and badgering you about it, you don’t need to give in to that. Peers at your age can be very cruel and misunderstanding about such important matters.

Just be yourself, and don’t give in to peer pressure. You don’t need to come out of the closet when you don’t even know if you are in one yet.

I think at your age you should be worrying about homework, academics and sports.

Wait until you’re older to get serious about it and worry about it.

If you grow up to be gay or lesbian, there’s nothing wrong with it. You are still a person, and good for you for being yourself and following your heart.

The thing about high school is you would NOT be the only gay or bisexual student there. School can, however, be a rough time for a homosexual individual: There is bullying, friends may treat you differently, and there is an increased rate of dropping out.

But have no fear: A lot of high schools have gay and lesbian alliance clubs and anti-bullying programs. You cannot be treated differently because of your sexual orientation.

As far as approaching your parents about it, I’m sure they love you and will understand. If you are closer to your mom or dad, approach that parent one-on-one and open up. Your parent will be on your side.

Whoever you decide to date will come naturally. Don’t force it or ignore it, as you are young and shouldn’t be worrying about having a girlfriend or boyfriend.

I personally know a lot of people that thought they were gay or lesbian, and it turned out they were not.

Just enjoy being young and being happy. You will figure it all out on your own time at the right time.

Write your question to "Dear Lizzie" at dearlizziepatch@gmail.com.

Chuck Anziulewicz April 18, 2011 at 06:06 PM
DEAR LIZZIE: You write, "I personally know a lot of people that thought they were gay or lesbian and it turnd out they were not." Trust me, there are far, FAR more people who thought they were STRAIGHT, who got married and made babies in a desperate attempt to PROVE they were Straight, only later to come to grips with the fact that they were Gay. I think these people vastly outnumber the people who "mistakenly" thought they were Gay, only to "come out" as Straight later in life.


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