Girl Should Know Worth Before Giving In to Sexual Advances

A sophomore struggles with new experiences she is facing with boys at her high school.

Dear Lizzie,

I just began high school and am coming to the end of my sophomore year. High school is a whole different world to me than middle school. In middle school, my friends and I would go out with guys and kiss and stuff, but that was about it. But it seems like this year, everything is different. 

All of my friends are hooking up with upperclassmen boys, especially boys that drive to school and are taking things to a different level. One of my friends gives the senior that drives her to school oral sex almost every day on the way home from school, and they aren't even in a relationship. 

Boys in this same group of friends have made advances to me to give them oral sex, and so far I haven't done it and kept it at flirting and stuff. I am considering going down on a boy that I like, but I know he doesn't want a relationship and is just in it for the hook up.  What should I do?

-- Confused in North Wales


Dear Confused,

You’re absolutely right in your observation that high school is a different world —people are older, more students are together under one roof, and everyone is coming of age at the same time.

As a sophomore, you are more advanced and older than you were in middle school. The fact is you will get more peer pressured, and boys will act on their sexual urges.

Academics should be the top priority in high school.

With that said, your friends will do what they want—and that doesn’t mean you have to follow suit. They have their life, and you have your life.

(And if they judge you on how you live, they may not be the best friends to have.)

There is an old saying: “If your friend jumps off a bridge, will you jump off, too?”

There’s also another saying, one that your parents probably use, but there is truth to it: “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

You have your whole life ahead of you, and, especially with high school, these could be the best years of your young adult life.

You want it to be memorable—but how extreme do you want those memories to be?

The truth is you will be in so many relationships through so many parts of your life. I’m 34 and just about to be married. I went through so many relationships before this point.

This is merely my advice to you: You have to know your worth and who you are. You must be confident and strong.

It sounds like you know these boys might be your friend for now. and they are just trying to get something out of you.

What if you choose to do what he wants, and a week later he’s doing the same thing to someone else? You will only be hurt in the end.

If a boy really likes you, he will not disrespect you and not pressure you to do anything sexually for him. He will treat you right in ways that proves he wants you to be his girlfriend.

You’re asking me if I think you should give this guy what he wants because of his advances. If you like this guy and you hang out with him, go ahead and kiss him. But I wouldn’t go any further.

If he wants you to go further and just wants to be friends, think twice. A day from now, or two weeks from now, he’s going to be with someone else. If he doesn’t want to commit to you, why commit to him?

You want to figure it out for yourself, Confused. You are just starting out with all this “experimenting” and liking guys. Take your time and know your worth.

Write your question to Dear Lizzie at dearlizziepatch@gmail.com. Dear Lizzie appears every Monday at noon on Montgomeryville-Lansdale Patch.

pozguy April 26, 2011 at 01:55 AM
oral sex is not safe sex". But how much of a risk are you actually taking if you choose to practice unprotected oral sex? The HSV-1 always caused by oral sex it increase the herpes ratio. the largest dating and support == herpesmate.com has more than 1,880,000 members and about 80% members are good looking in my estimation. Unfortunately, STD rates soar worldwide and most people with STDs don't even know that they have them. The government should grant more money for STD education to lower the rates of STD transmission.
T. Rich April 26, 2011 at 02:53 PM
Confused might also want to keep in mind that whatever she and this boy do together, will probably be known throughout the school. She may think it's private, but he may not. Her sexuality is her own, to do with as she sees fit, but you are absolutely right when you encourage her to recognize her own worth and value it. Our physical bodies, our minds, our hearts are all precious - they need to be shared with people who are worthy of the trust.


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