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Health & Fitness

A letter to all family members

Please:

Do not tell me I am being too easy or too hard on her.  Therapeutic parenting uses a different set of skills.

Do not hide her inappropriate behavior from me or try to rescue her from discipline.  She needs firm limits and boundaries to grow.

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Do not make excuses about her choices in front of her or say, “All kids do that . . . kids will be kids.”

Do not say love will save her. Therapeutically this is very harmful the  first 3 to 4 years of placement.
Do not give my child gifts because you feel sorry for her or believe we are not doing enough for her.

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Do not talk or judge our family in front of others; this is very damaging to us.

Do not tell my child she is “lucky” to be in our family unless it is said to all the kids in the family.

Do not give a sad look or hug him when he is being disciplined.
Do not allow her to talk poorly about me or convince you I am not doing enough for her.  This thinking is a result of her early life and not a true reflection of our relationship.

Do not correct my parenting in front of my child.  If you think I’ve made a mistake, please wait and tell me when we are alone.  I can accept constructive criticism, but please ask if I want feedback!

Do not laugh at my child’s seemingly innocent jokes about me or anyone else in the family.   These are her attempts to keep us at an emotional distance and she needs everyone’s encouragement to allow us to parent her.

Do not pick up my child, for hugs or kisses. He does not understand what normal hugs or kiss are.
Do not allow my child to seek comfort from other adults, people  I know, aunts, uncles, grandparents,close friends, especially strangers.  Gently send her back to me for comfort . . . that is my job until she has healed !

Letter from the Foster parent Book.

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